Friday, February 26, 2010

Thump and Muck

I guess for some people, pretty much everyone in my group except for me and Alabama, are opposed to certain terms. Or maybe it was just the instructors attempt at humor or something. But anytime we talked about finding food and preparing it to eat it wasn't kill and eat, it was Thump and Muck.

See that squirrel? What do you do to squirrels? Thump'em and muck'em. You get the idea.

About the morning of day four in the woods we had pretty much eaten all the MREs we had been given. I was down to a pack of who knows how old M & Ms, 2 box o'corn flake bars, a packet of instant soup, and a packet of hot cocoa.

Lunch and Dinner were long since gone. And it was desperate times. At one point when we were evading capture I happened to notice a nice patch of grass under the tree I was hiding under. Grazing is good eats let me tell you.

So we're moving again and I'm on point as we are trying to get from point A to point B without losing anybody. We are climbing this hill and as I reach the crest I have one of those moments from Blues Brothers when Jake and Elwood are in the church and Jake gets his message from God.

Standing not 15 feet from me just down the other side of this hill is a cow. This was the most beautiful cow I had ever seen. I was already planning in my mind all the jerky and steaks and everything we could make from this one gift from above.

I guess I did one of those armed outstretched, sun shining down on me, choir of heaven reaching the "AAAAHHHHHHHHH" crescendo moves.

My instructor gets to me just as I'm pulling out my knife. I had murder in my mind. And the cow was just sort of looking at me like cows do. Just standing there. Not even scared or anything. I could walk right up to it.

"Don't you thump that cow."

"Huh? Don't thump the cow?"

"Do Not Kill that cow."

"But look at it. I could thump, we could all muck it. And jerky we could make jerky. You could teach us."

"You are not going to kill that cow."

"Why not?"

By this point the rest of our group has caught up to us and we're all standing on the top of this crest. Not a good place to be if you're trying to hide when you travel.

"That cow belongs to somebody."

"What now?"

"The cow, someone owns it. You can't just kill someones cow."

"Yes I can, look it's just standing there. I could walk right up and thump it. Quick."


At this point I think the cow realizes how close it is to becoming Dinner II, and it begins to wander off down the mountain. I'm still not convinced that wasn't some lone cow. Just out on the mountain waiting for someone to come along and put it out of it's misery.

But needless to say I had a pack of cocoa for dinner that night.

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